Goodbye, New England

© Climate Change Response Framework, 2021

Now is a time for excitement. I am ready to experience something novel. Yet, my anticipation is balanced by an underlying melancholy that I cannot shake: the feeling that I am losing something, that I’m leaving a world I thrive in.

Going Inward to Go Away

I see myself as a supportive partner. It’s an important part of my identity, so when Jessica told me she was applying for a Fulbright in the fall of 2020, I let her know that I was fully on board no matter where we were off to.

That was not enough, though. If the only reason I decided to uproot was out of support for Jessica, I anticipated that it would lead to resentment. Resentment evolves into contempt, and contempt erodes the foundation of a relationship.

I’ve taken time to try to understand my mixed emotions and come to accept them. This journey is a leap for me. I quit my job and left without any prospect of making real money. It’s also a chance to expand my worldview and step back from work for a year. Fear and excitement are two sides of the same coin.

My Main Source of Melancholy

The Northeast has been my home forever. I spent years living in Manhattan and Westchester, and the woods of New England always beckoned. The sound of the forest puts me at ease. The closeness of my parents and siblings lends a sense of security. I will leave that behind for a while.

I’ll miss the fall: autumn leaves, fresh cider donuts, playoff baseball and more. I welcome the discomfort. I am sad. I am excited. I will cry about saying goodbye to New England, and I’ll embrace the dark in Helsinki.

It is okay to lose things.

Using Art to Unwind

In the months leading up to our departure, I fell further in love with New England. Every walk in the woods felt that much more special knowing that I would leave at the end of August. It’s funny how that works.

As you may know, I create digital illustrations to channel my emotions into art. It felt right to create something to commemorate my feelings for the forests of New England. You can see that design here.