Uncertainty
The last time Jessica and I were long distance, a one hour train ride from Harlem was all that separated us. Jon Hull
I moved to New York City with a limited skill set and no money. For three months, I slept on my brother Seth’s couch in a basement apartment in Harlem. Each morning I awoke on 135th and Malcolm X Boulevard, walked south 10 blocks to 125th, and headed to the Bronx.
I was a New York City Teaching Fellow. From mid-June to August, I took a crash course on teaching. I spent the morning at summer school and the evenings in class. It was simultaneously the longest and shortest summer of my life.
…
Now, I’m up late—sitting at our kitchen table in Panama with the fan flipping my pages. I am full of thoughts of the future. The next few months will be filled with change.
Jessica is off to Singapore.
We are both so excited for this next chapter. At times, I wonder if I am tricking myself because I genuinely think it will be alright. I will be close to family and get to build something with Dad, and Jessica will launch into her new adventure.
The truth is that I dreamed of this moment. I am ready to go, and my return home fills me with contentment. But I feel the same sense of uncertainty as I felt during the early days in New York City.
I explained our rationale for a long-distance relationship in a blog last year: What comes next?
I have been halfheartedly applying for remote ed-tech jobs because I imagined them as some sort of silver bullet: a remote job could open the door to an extended visit to Asia, the salaries are great, and I have some valuable skills for an ed-tech company. Working from home would free me up to build with Dad on more flexible hours.
Yet, I remain unconvinced.
Here are the facts: I want to visit Jessica for an extended period, and I plan to build something significant with Dad’s help. I also love teaching.
Should I pursue ed-tech when I feel unsure about that career path? That’s not my style. Is it possible to build something and visit Southeast Asia for a while with a public school teaching job? I don’t know.
Teaching in some capacity is most appealing. I am an educator at my core. Whether it is kids or adults, I love communicating knowledge to others and watching them apply it. So… should I just go for it and find the best teaching job available for next year?
That sure seems to make sense. I could go to Singapore next summer. Jessica will be home in December and June. Yet, it’s a long time apart.
If I go for ed-tech, I’ll see her sooner and may have more time to build.
Regardless, it looks like I will return home jobless and uncertain. Still, I feel confident everything will work out. I struggled with the transitions to New York, Finland, and Panama. Ultimately, I gained a lot from each place. I am hopeful this will turn out similarly.
I felt similarly when we moved to Finland and Panama: One Week Down & Arriving in Panamá
Still, uncertainty is discomforting.
